My journey with the Lord began when I was five years old as I recall lining up my stuffed animals and praying with them that we would go to Heaven. Then, I didn’t go to church or have anyone teach me about God or going to Heaven, but little did I know that God already knew me! I came to know Him when I was in the 8th Grade, and I received Jesus as Lord and Savior at First Baptist Church in Childress, TX. My best friend Tara invited me to a revival service (which I am so grateful for). When the invitation came, I nervously made my way down to the altar and cried a river of tears because I had always wanted Heaven to be my home. That night at First Baptist Church was the beginning of a journey of coming to know the unconditional love of God and the promise that Heaven would be my home.
When I was 17, my husband-to-be laid hands on me, and I became filled with the Holy Spirit with the evidence of speaking in tongues. My life immediately changed. My walk with the Lord deepened, and I began to know Him in a new way I never thought possible. With that triumph also came great trial.
I began to face attacks from the enemy as I struggled with overwhelming thoughts that I couldn’t seem to control. The enemy tried to convince me that God did not love me, and that I was not good enough to be saved. The thoughts became consuming, and I was tormented day and night. I was ridden with anxiety and fear–waking in the night in sheer panic. The thought of getting still to go to sleep at night was terrifying. Waking up in the morning to face the day was filled with dread. I grasped everywhere for answers, but nothing I did seemed to help.
I prayed. I read the Bible. I desperately clung on to my dear husband for him to rescue me, and bless his heart, he did everything he could to try and remedy something neither of us understood. 10 years. This went on day after day for 10 years. Some days were better than others, but the thoughts were always lingering there in the back of my mind. Along the years, the Lord taught me about my authority in Jesus. I became more and more bold in learning how to speak up and rebuke the enemy in my times of panic. I would rebuke him, and he would leave for a time, but then I would find myself right back facing those same dooming thoughts and panic attacks. In 2007, I finally got the breakthrough I needed.
In our nine years of marriage, I had never been away from my husband more than a couple of days. I was afraid to be away from him because in all actuality, I was afraid to be alone with my thoughts. Even though we did not plan for it to happen, we ended up being away from each other for six weeks as we prepared to move to another state (which never happened, but that’s a different story). Although I was terrified, I was forced to face my fears and problems all by myself. My husband could not save me. I had to seek after Jesus like my life depended on it–because it did.
During those six weeks, I realized the thoughts I was dealing with were lies from the enemy. For the longest time I really thought that God was telling me that I was not good enough and that He didn’t love me. The foreboding feelings were just that–feelings. I learned that strong feelings do not equate to truth. Truth is God’s Word! If He says it, it’s true whether I feel like it or not! This revelation was absolutely life-changing!
Romans 3:23-24 became my constant sword:
“For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God; Being justified freely by his grace through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus.”
I began to meditate upon and confess this day and night. Every time doom knocked at my door, I had an answer–Romans 3:23. I pictured the game “Whack-a-Mole”, and I would imagine myself whacking the enemy on the head every time I confessed the scripture. The feelings were still there, but I was determined to believe His Word regardless of how I felt. The change did not take place overnight. The battle was long and tedious. I constantly confessed this scripture to make John 8:31-32 a reality in my life:
Then Jesus said to those Jews who believed Him, “If you abide in My word, you are My disciples indeed. And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.”
My freedom in Jesus was a process. Ephesians 6:17 says that The Word of God is to be our sword of the spirit. I wielded the sword day after day and night after night. Somewhere along the way I became free from the grips of fear, panic, doom, and death. I gave up believing the lies, and embraced the truth. The love of the Father became real to me as He showed me that He was there with me through all those years. I thought He didn’t love me, but how wrong I was! His love is infinite and beyond anything my mere words could ever explain.
My trials did not end there by any means as I could write pages of the trials that His love has graced me to overcome, but this triumph saved my life. Knowing you are loved and accepted by God the Father and His precious Son Jesus is eternally priceless. His love is my crown; it is your crown. It is a precious gift that I will never allow the enemy to steal from me. I pray that as you visit this site and read through my posts that you will be encouraged to receive and hold on to HIS love. In Jesus’ mighty name, I pray that you will put His love on as a crown and forever be adorned with its beauty!